he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I pour the whiskey from now on
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
