Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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