i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
