mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
