I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
