I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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