Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm bleeding and have questions
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
