Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
