summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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