you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
