i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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