so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
