we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
