I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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