Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
