Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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