TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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