Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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