You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
