you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
