Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
