you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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