I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
