I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
