I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
