Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
