I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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