No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize