I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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