If i come over, it means nothing
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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