your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
