I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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