I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
