I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
