Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
