I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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