I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
