do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
