i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
