High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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