Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize