You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we're making bets on your personal life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I want is dick and wine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize