Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
