Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
