First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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