Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
