What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Girls should come with a carfax report
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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