my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
