Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
