Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize