don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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