he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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