no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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