we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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