and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
