i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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