PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So many bounce houses so little time
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
