I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
