Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
