Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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