I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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