wakey wakey hands off snakey
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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