dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
